Baby Fever

I have baby fever in a big way. I also don’t intend to have a baby anytime soon.

I know I have baby fever for a few reasons. For one, I get a pit in my stomach every time I come across a baby announcement (which feels like every day on Instagram). I remember this feeling when I was ready to get engaged and I would hear about other people’s proposal stories. You are so happy for the person, but are also secretly insanely jealous.  Moreover, I find myself making an effort to be around babies. I’m constantly at my good friend's apartment hanging with her one year old. I’m the girl on the plane being extra helpful to moms and their babies. I’m asking everyone I meet in LA who seems similar enough to me who their doctor is, whether they had a night nurse, if they have a nanny etc. And I’m trying to figure out a timeline of when I should go off birth control, when I should start trying etc. I’ve even gone off some medication because I want to start detoxifying my body. I never really thought about any of this until this year.

I also know I am nowhere near ready to have a kid. For one, we simply cannot afford it. The move to LA was really difficult on us financially. Plus living in this city is so expensive. We are now just comfortable the two us, there is no way I could raise a kid and live the same standard of living I really want. Moreover, my career is nowhere near where I want it to be. Plus having a full-time job and running a blog is 24/7, where could I fit in a kid? Lastly, I think I like the idea of having a kid more than actually having one at this moment. I really like my life right now. I love spending time with my hubby. I love my jobs. I love my workout routines. I love being able to get up and travel at any moments notice. I’m happy. And I’m not sure I’m actually ready for such a significant change.

So why am I writing this? To be honest, I’m not actually sure. I guess it can feel very isolating to have this feeling and I’m wondering if others go through it (and just don’t talk about it). It’s this intense baby fever but also an intense feeling of not wanting a baby any time soon (I know this is completely contradictory and doesn’t really make sense). Sometimes I feel like you need to go through this stage before having a baby. It’s like how they say you have your whole pregnancy to actually prepare for being a parent and the changes that come (physically, emotionally, etc.) I feel like this time is preparing me for getting ready to start trying.

I know that you’re all probably wondering how long it will be until we start trying. The truth is I have no idea. But it definitely won’t be this year and realistically probably not the next. But who knows, maybe I’ll wake up one day and the baby fever will far outweigh any concerns or feeling of not being ready I might have.